October 10th, 2008 To Do List:
1. Begin anti-Bratwurst propaganda campaign. The dark history of the German linked meat is unknown by far too many. For one, The American Bratwurst Capital is Sheboygan, Wisconsin, square in the heart of Packer country. Second, the German language origin of Bratwurst is bra, German for brother, and twurst, German for dizzy. Clearly this is a second class food product, manufactured for second class citizens.
With a concise, targeted campaign, I believe we can reduce the market share for bratwurst while increasing the share for the Official Meat of Speedy Willie, Italian Sausage.
2. Begin contest for Anti-Bratwurst Propaganda Campaign Slogan. Click this link to send your suggestions in to SpeedyWillie.org. The winners will be featured in the 30 second commercial that will be filmed at some point in the future. The 60 second spot will feature only professional commercial talent. Best of luck to you!
3. Correct Flagging Economy. Whats the deal here? Everyone knows the major indexes will not decrease in value if everyone simply follows this rule: "Buy low, sell high." Economics 101, right? If the share you are looking to sell is currently at a price lower than you bought it, don't sell it. Once the going rate is higher than the one you bought it at, feel free to sell.
4. Apologize for breaking the Disco Ball. I'm sorry I broke the disco ball. (That should have been done in person. [I'm sorry for not doing that in person.])
5. Schedule Celebrity's to attend future festivities (5b. Confirm correct spelling of celebrity's.). If you are a celebrity, click this link to schedule yourself an appearance with Speedy Willie. There is no better way to increse your Q rating than to spend some quality time in and/or around Speedy Willie. Reality Show stars must have a co-signer. Top priority: Cadillac Dave.
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